The Lump In My Head
Not a story but wanted to upload it as a memory. I don’t expect feedback on this! Nor am I going to ‘share it’ too much. Went to the doctors to have a lump removed from my head. Nothing serious. I was gonna tweet as it was going on but doctors are funny about things like that. As I was lying down though I knew what I would be tweeting about and so I tried to remember it and log it here…
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- Car park full. Good start. Park on road, then. Mounting the pavement…
- Waiting room. Mostly OAP’s. A young girl reads 1 of those Twilight book. She shakes a bit. Sniffs. Crying.
- Maybe she’s Team Jacob or maybe, well, maybe she’s not…
- So many wheelchairs. Like the paralympics.
- Get called in straight away. That’s a first. Usually waiting for ages. Called me by my ‘other’ name tho. Annoying.
- Led into to meet my doctor. He looks like an Asian Ian Rush. The way Rushie looks now. No moustache.
- Going thru the poss outcomes. Not thrilled with the poss of nerve damage and paralysis. Whatever. I sign the sheet anyway.
- Get myself comfy. Lying on my stomach. Sticking my face through the hole in the bed thing.
- I guess I’ll stare at the floor then.
- The nurse has chipped black nail varnish.
- Doc draws a circle on my head. A target.
- Nurse gets out the scissors and starts snipping away.
- “Don’t worry, it’s not as much as it sounds.’ Yeah, we’ll see won’t we?
- In goes the anaesthetic. And again and again. Only minor pain. Works fast tho. I can’t feel the other 4 injections. Bet I will later.
- Yeah, that’s a pretty numb head.
- More staring at the floor. They ask me questions, my replies bounces off the floor and back up at me. Sounds weird.
- Mind is wandering now. Pondering a bit of a sleep but they keep asking questions. To make sure I’m not passed out I guess.
- Wish I was filming this. Had no one to hold the camera.
- I ask if I can see what he removes from my bonce. He say’s ‘of course you can’. Cool.
- I’m sure I can hear the scalpel slice open my scalp. Like a putputput sound. Like a slow tearing.
- Lying face down I can feel my heart pumping hard. Hmm. I’m not scared or in pain. Hope it’s not a reaction to the anaesthetic.
- My face is hot too. A deep breath will sort me out.
- He shows me what he’s removed through the hole in the bed thing. Strange looking bastard. Like a cream coloured broad bean with blood.
- Getting asked to make an appointment while getting stitched up. Hard to concentrate when I can hear them going in and getting tied etc…
- And that’s that. Told how to look after it. Vaseline apparently
- Told to stay off work for a bit. Really? Not like I work in a dirty factory. Who am I to argue?
- What am I, a doctor? No. No I’m not. Sick day it is.
- Get up of the bed thing and my legs are all wobbly and half of my head is numb. Feels really strange.
- On leaving I pass through the reception. Really full. Can’t see the girl from earlier though.
- Not supposed to touch it yet but who can resist? Still bleeding, Still numb. Can’t judge.
- Take a peep. Looks alright. Looks like four or five stitches.
- Home. Sweet home. Better tell work what’s what.
- I need a nap.
